


The Kill (A song fic)

by Mortwinbeauty



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Songfic, Teenlock, Through the Years, Unilock, Young Jim, Young Sebastian, all the feeeeeeeels, but I needed to to do this, mormor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:38:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3968194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mortwinbeauty/pseuds/Mortwinbeauty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song fic based on The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kill (A song fic)

_Come and Play._

_Bart’s Hospital rooftop._

_SH_

Jim sat on the ledge of the roof, playing music, letting himself acclimate to his surroundings, get into the proper headspace for what could or couldn’t possibly happen. This could be his greatest victory to date or it could be his last failure. He was yanked out of his calm though as his phone switched songs and the familiar strains filled his head, making his stomach feel hollow and empty. He exhaled shakily as the timber of Jared Leto suddenly rang out

_What if I wanted to break, Laugh it all off in your face, What would you do?_

Jim stared at the rooftop before he was taken back into his own mind to a time that he had tried to forget. He could see him now. Sebastian Moran. His easy smile, they had met as children, become fast friends. Best friends. They were all they had, they both had shitty homes but when they were together, everything melted away and they were able to enjoy life for a couple hours.

_What if I fell to the floor, Couldn’t take all this anymore, What would you do?_

They had moved through the grades together, everything had mostly been fine until they had hit high school. Sebastian had tried out for rugby, gotten into varsity on his first year and Jim had moved to drama. He was called a faggot and a queer just for being a male in drama, but when he had been forced to come out by Carl Powers, well it had only gotten worse. Sebastian and Jim, they had gotten into a huge fight soon after. Sebastian had been acting different since Jim had come out and he wasn’t stepping in and trying to help when Jim would get beaten down on a weekly basis by his team mates.

_Come break me down, Bury me, bury me, I am finished with you_

They had stopped talking. Six months. It had been horrible and lonely and Jim’s realization that he thought of Sebastian as far more than a friend had only worsened the pain. But eventually Sebastian came around and Jim came clean with his feelings for him. Sebastian said he wanted Jim as well, but there was no way he could, not after what happened with Jim.

__What if I wanted to fight, Beg for the rest of my life, What would you do?_ _

_You say you wanted more, What are you waiting for? I’m not running from you_

Jim accepted his choice, and didn’t walk away. He was aware that it would be better to have Sebastian as a friend then as nothing at all. They graduated and on that night Sebastian finally gave in and snogged Jim within an inch of his life. They had become inseparable, going to the same University, getting their dorm together. Everything was good, until an acceptance letter from the Army came through the mail. The fight that had ensued was astronomical and almost broke them completely.

_Come break me down, Bury me, bury me, I am finished with you_

No matter what Jim said and no matter how hard he begged and pleaded Sebastian wouldn’t listen to him and he left for bootcamp. Soon after that he dropped out of University. He was being shipped off to India to fight. Jim had lost himself the last night before Seb was to ship out, going out and getting raging drunk, coming back to the dorm and starting a fight almost immediately.

_Look in my eyes, You’re killing me, killing me, All I wanted was you_

_I tried to be someone else, But nothing seemed to change_

Screaming turned into sobbing which turned into pleading which turned in defeat and he clung to Sebastian all night as the other slept. He cradled his head to his chest and smoothed his hands through his hair, trying to remember and memorize everything. That morning he cried silently as Sebastian packed and sobbed harder as he boarded the plane, losing the strength in his legs and collapsing onto the hard tiled floor of the airport, but Sebastian never saw, he was already being seated.

Jim never recovered, he lived every day in fear and in worry, dreading for that piece of mail, in fear that he would hear his love had been killed. It had been almost a year and Sebastian was due back in two weeks for his leave. Jim had come back from class to see a man dressed in military gear standing at his door. His heart jumped into his throat but as the man turned, his eyes were drawn to what the man was holding. An army uniform and on top, a pair of dog tags. Jim had listened in stone silence, not a tear falling from his eye as the man explained that they had been attacked over night and there was nothing they could do. He thanked the man and sat for hours  in the dorm before something finally snapped and he trashed the whole dorm, screaming and crying and sobbing, letting out every last emotion. He came back to himself hours later in a crumpled heap in the middle of the dorm, clutching the dog tags to his heart

_I know now, this is who I really am inside. Finally found myself. Fighting for a chance._

_I know now, this is who I really am._

He had dropped out of college, started his own business. Became a shadow. A spider. He never expected to live long. Only enough to make something of himself. If he was going down he was going down with a bang.

_Come break me down, Bury me, bury me, I am finished with you, you, you._

_Look in my eyes, You’re killing me, killing me_

_All I wanted was you_

He tried to push Sebastian out of his mind. He shut himself off from the world. Promised to never feel a thing again because all it brought was pain and hurt. It was a weakness. He wished he could say he would never forgive Sebastian for leaving, wished he could say he hated him, but it was impossible.

_Come break me down_

_Break me down_

_Break me down_

Jim shook himself out of his head and looked up, feeling the breeze catch a wet patch on his cheeks. He stiffly reached up and wiped his cheeks with the heel of his hand, looking at the moisture with disgust. He could practically feel Sebastian next to him, heard a ghost of his laugh, saw a shimmer of his smile and he took a deep breath as the song ended. 

_What if I wanted to break…?_

_Bury me, bury me_

_What if I..What if I..What if I..What if I_

_Bury me, bury me_

He cleared his throat and took another deep breath as the song shifted to Stayin’ Alive and he centered himself once more. Accepting the thought of Sebastian and using his strength to get him through. Perhaps they would meet again. Who knew? He patted his chest and traced the outline of Sebastian’s name on the dog tags through his shirt

_I’m waiting…JM_


End file.
